This blog is going to be a bit of a venting session for me, so hang on tight. This is going to be about how I walk around literally feeling like I have two lives. One version of me is the way that my family wants to see me, and one version of me is who I actually am. This is the venting blog session of the half stripper, half innocent daughter.
So, I started dipping my toes into the sex worker side of the world about two and a half years ago. I decided to become a stripper and see what it was all about. I did one party and fell in love. I loved the attention, and how fun it actually was. I loved being able to dance and shake my ass without any shame or judgement. And of course, I absolutely adored the money. The way that people just threw it at you like you're the queen of the world and worth every single penny they've ever worked for, is a fucking fantastic feeling. Anyways, I just knew that this was something that I wanted to do for a long time. I was 18 years old at the time, and still lived with my parents. I moved out after about three or four months of stripping- but the entire time I hid the fact that I was a stripper. My family had absolutely no idea. I did tell my friends but nobody in my family knew about it, because I knew if they did know about it they wouldn't be anything near okay with it. So I fell in love with my job but had to hide it from the people I loved most. It sucked and it got super hard to keep it a secret, and one day it just slipped to my older sister. And my whole family found out and they were furious. And it was horrible and awful and so upsetting.
So, a year later I decided that it was my life and I wanted to start dancing again, so I talked to my old bosses and they welcomed me back with open arms. So, now I'm dancing again and I have to really really keep it a secret this time around or my family will never speak to me again. And now I'm just stuck in this place of really wanting to be honest with them, but also knowing what will happen if I am honest. It's a super shitty place to be in, because I really do hate lying to them. But I also want to be able to live my life the way I want to live it. This is something I want to do and I don't want to live my life based on making other people happy. So, I decided that this is what I'm going to do.
But, now I'm just stuck in a place of hating that I am lying to my whole family, and hating why I have to lie. I have to lie because my family is judgmental, and they refuse to accept something they don't understand or try to understand for that matter. They refuse to hear my side of the story, or to try to understand why I do it and why I like doing it. It just makes me sad that something that I love to do in my life is completely unacceptable to the people I love most. It's unfair that I can't be happy and be everything they want me to be. Frankly, it fucking sucks. And I'm pissed about it. So thank you for listening to this random, weird venting session. I know it'll be figured out eventually, but for now- it blows.
So, I started dipping my toes into the sex worker side of the world about two and a half years ago. I decided to become a stripper and see what it was all about. I did one party and fell in love. I loved the attention, and how fun it actually was. I loved being able to dance and shake my ass without any shame or judgement. And of course, I absolutely adored the money. The way that people just threw it at you like you're the queen of the world and worth every single penny they've ever worked for, is a fucking fantastic feeling. Anyways, I just knew that this was something that I wanted to do for a long time. I was 18 years old at the time, and still lived with my parents. I moved out after about three or four months of stripping- but the entire time I hid the fact that I was a stripper. My family had absolutely no idea. I did tell my friends but nobody in my family knew about it, because I knew if they did know about it they wouldn't be anything near okay with it. So I fell in love with my job but had to hide it from the people I loved most. It sucked and it got super hard to keep it a secret, and one day it just slipped to my older sister. And my whole family found out and they were furious. And it was horrible and awful and so upsetting.
So, a year later I decided that it was my life and I wanted to start dancing again, so I talked to my old bosses and they welcomed me back with open arms. So, now I'm dancing again and I have to really really keep it a secret this time around or my family will never speak to me again. And now I'm just stuck in this place of really wanting to be honest with them, but also knowing what will happen if I am honest. It's a super shitty place to be in, because I really do hate lying to them. But I also want to be able to live my life the way I want to live it. This is something I want to do and I don't want to live my life based on making other people happy. So, I decided that this is what I'm going to do.
But, now I'm just stuck in a place of hating that I am lying to my whole family, and hating why I have to lie. I have to lie because my family is judgmental, and they refuse to accept something they don't understand or try to understand for that matter. They refuse to hear my side of the story, or to try to understand why I do it and why I like doing it. It just makes me sad that something that I love to do in my life is completely unacceptable to the people I love most. It's unfair that I can't be happy and be everything they want me to be. Frankly, it fucking sucks. And I'm pissed about it. So thank you for listening to this random, weird venting session. I know it'll be figured out eventually, but for now- it blows.
